Well, ladies
I saw a woman in the elevator on Wednesday and I thought something unkind. I am going to tell you what it was because I think it matters.
She looked like she had stopped trying.
Not stopped caring. Stopped trying. There is a difference. Her clothes fit. They were clean. But nothing was chosen. Everything was default. She looked like she got dressed in the dark, which I have done, but she looked like she gets dressed in the dark every day.
I thought: she has given up on being seen.
Then I thought: that is a terrible thing to think about a stranger in an elevator.
Then I thought: I think it anyway. 😤
This is a flaw. I know it. I judge women on presentation faster than I judge them on anything else and it comes out sharper than I mean it to. Dani tells me I am exhausting about this. She is right.
But here is why I am telling you.
I went home that night and stood in front of my mirror and thought about the three things I check every morning before I leave. It takes thirty seconds. I have been doing it so long I forgot it was a decision.
Collar or neckline sits flat. Not tucked wrong, not bunched.
One thing has a shape. A belt, a cuff rolled, a sleeve pushed up. Something that says a hand was here.
Shoes match the intention. If the day is a fight, the shoes say so. If the day is a long sit, the shoes say that instead. 💪
That is it. I do not pick outfits the night before. I do not have a capsule wardrobe. I do not spend money on this that I would not spend anyway.
I spend thirty seconds making three adjustments and I walk out looking like I decided to be here. That is the whole system.
Sonia does something similar but she would never call it a system. She rolls her wrists in bed and calls it a conversation with her hands. I fix my collar and call it getting dressed. We are the same kind of careful, just pointed at different things. 🤍
The woman in the elevator was not lazy. She was probably tired the way all of us are tired. But tired and invisible are not the same thing, and thirty seconds is the distance between them.
I am not telling you to dress up. I am telling you to look in the mirror once, adjust three things, and leave the house looking like you meant to.
You did not stop being someone worth looking at. You just stopped checking.
